MY FATHER

My late dad was a motor mechanic.  He was the only son with 4 sisters and he came from a tight knit family.  The 5 of them had so much love for one another and my dad truly treasured his parents.

He was a rather handsome young man, 8 years older than my mother.  I am not really sure how they met, but I was always told that he drove a motorbike back in the days and I assume that is how they met.

Of course, my mother fell pregnant at the age of 16 and was then forced to get married by her mother (my gran).  To this day, she still tells people that he made her pregnant at such a young age, but surely it takes two to tango?  I am sure she encouraged him as well.

They got married at the law courts as my gran would not allow a church wedding.  My father's family were  not invited.

My first brother was then born.  My dad's mother knitted clothing for my brother and sent it home with my dad for the baby, which my mom gave away, as she wanted nothing to do with my dad's family.  The first time my dad's parents saw my brother was at 9 months old.

By the time my mother was 19, she had 2 sons.  

My eldest brother always felt guilty that my mom had to get married so young, as she always made it very clear that it was because of him that she had to get married.  

My mother had me at the age of 30, but always stresses that she didn't mind because it was a girl.  Up until as recent as 1 week ago, she said she was so angry when she found out she was pregnant with me - what a thing to say!  But then always tries to make up for it by saying at least it turned out to be a girl.

My dad being a motor mechanic, obviously didn't earn much, so my mother always stresses how she HAD to go out and find a job to support the family.

She always alienated me from my father, wanting to keep me all to herself.  

My father endured a horrible life with her and today I feel very guilty.  She wouldn't even allow him to use the toilet inside the house.  He had to always use the outside toilet - I know shocking right?   He wasn't allowed to watch TV.   If he didn't finish his dinner, she would scream and perform.   My dad loved reading and would go and sit in his car and read a book.

I think that's why I have always struggled with my weight, because if you didn't finish your meal, she used to perform.

My dad has been dead 21 years this year.  He passed away from an aneurysm and none of us got a chance to say goodbye.  He went to work one morning and never returned.

I firmly believe that this was caused from all the built up tension and stress that he carried around with him for so many years - they were married for almost 48 years!

Naturally just as narcissists behave, she cried crocodile tears when he passed away, telling people oh what a wonderful man he was, but why didn't she treat him better while he was alive?

To this day, she is still singing his praises and it just makes me so angry....